The Science of Love - an unusual look at life's greatest mystery
978-1-948911-04-7 $119.95
Yet Another Book on Love - What’s Different?
This book will argue that to truly understand love, we must first learn the two ways we sense time. We are born able to sense the first way. Most people learn to sense the second at around age seven. My realization that we develop two ways to sense time occurred some three decades ago, towards the end of the 1990s. But my understanding that this limits the ways we can experience love arose in me only during the last few years—when I once more fell in love.
How does the way we sense time limit our ability to experience love? This is what we’ll explore in this book. A hint. The idea that “soulmates” last forever feels true in only one of these two kinds of time. If you’re sensing time the other way, then the idea of soulmates feels like total bullshit. This means your default sense of time determines whether or not you believe that soulmates exist—as well as everything else you believe about love. Want to learn to see past these beliefs? Are you willing to do the work? Then this book will change your life.
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PSY029000 PSYCHOLOGY / Reference
FAM029000 FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Love & Romance
PSY017000 PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations
FAM030000 FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships PSY023000 PSYCHOLOGY / Personality
PSY041000 PSYCHOLOGY / Psychotherapy / Couples & Family
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Will This Book Be The Most Difficult Book You Ever Read?
This is my sixth book. It’s taken me sixteen years to write the previous five. Why mention this? Because as I begin this book, it’s become obvious why I’ve needed to write those other books. Even now, I have my doubts as to whether I can make what I’ve discovered about love understandable. More to the point, I expect, you, the reader, will have your doubts as to whether this book will be useful or just more bullshit.
If this is how you feel, please know, I so understand. Literally thousands of people far smarter than me have written books about love. Also, when it comes to describing the “pompatus of love,” I admit, some of those books have been quite good. How do I know this? During my lifetime, I’ve chosen to read a bunch of them. I imagine you have too. I also imagine you’ve felt the same desperate hope I felt each time I convinced myself to try again
"Will reading this book be yet another waste of my time? I hope not.” But like most hopelessly romantic fools, I’d inevitably end up in the same place as always. Try as I might, I’d find myself feeling disappointed and deceived yet again.
The result?
I’d finish that book feeling even more unsatisfied and hopeless about my chances. Admittedly, this is not the best attitude to have when you’re trying to understand love. My friends, seeing me hurting, would then ask, “Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” I’d then answer with some variation of, “I don’t know,” feeling even more stupid and ashamed as I again wondered what’s wrong with me.
As I think about it though, those feelings may be one of the main things which qualify me to write this book. This and the fact that I’ve failed so many times that some days I can’t believe I’m still standing. But I am. And if you are reading these words, then I suspect you’ve felt much like me.
My main message to you, dear reader?
Don’t give up on love—ever.
Dare to believe in it, knowing there is so much more for your soul to learn.
Realize too, if you’re struggling to find it in you to not quit, then perhaps this book will give you just enough hope to keep on trying. With this in mind, I pray, what I say in this book will help you to give love a chance, yet again.
Can Love Last? (the Elephant In The Romance-book Room)
You should know that as I begin writing this book, I’m almost 80 years old—and still learning things about love. And something I’m just now realizing is what I call “the elephant in the romance-book room.”
The idea?
That no matter how spiritually meaningful the content, any changes these books provoke in us, for the most part, do not last.
Here the obvious question is, why?
In other words, if love is rooted in spiritual mystery—and it surely is—then why can’t books which describe this mystery help us to find love?
In this hopefully brief introduction, I’m going to list a few things which may answer this question. Know I’ll be exploring most of these things in this book. Before you read on though, first, please try to read the following sentence slowly, personally, and with care.
In no way is what I’ll be offering in this book meant to replace or demean the beauty in those prior books.
What I hope to do is to add things to the good in those other books—things which until recently, have largely remained unseen. What kinds of things? Things no prior books have ever mentioned, not even once.
Much of this stuff will be things we already know or suspect, but which we, for unknown reasons, prefer to deny.
An example?
According to many studies, efforts to use online-dating-sites to find lasting love fail more than 97% of the time.
Strangely, despite this failure rate, according to a 2024 study, about 30% of adults in the U.S. are current or past online-dating-site users. To me, this doesn’t make sense. It’s like owning a television that fails to turn on 97% of the time. Or a car or electric shaver, or a computer, or a kitchen ceiling light. How long would you keep on trying, and hoping, these things would finally work?
In truth, no sane human being I know would keep hoping this online-dating shitshow would somehow sort itself out. Yet when it comes to love, many millions of us (80 million according to that study) keep trying and hoping this time will be different.
Why is the failure rate so high?
Chapter One will explain why those algorithms don’t work.
And no, it’s not that online dating sites can never work—I’m going to claim, they definitely could. For this to happen though, they would need to discover something quite important.
They’d need to realize, the way they design their algorithms all but guarantee people will not find love.
Can this be true?
Can online dating sites actually be doing something which prevents people from finding love?
You should know, I’m basing this claim on good, solid science, and not just offering an opinion.
In Chapter One, we’ll explore this problem in depth, including what they might do differently to address this problem. Translation. There is good news.
The overall topic we’ll look at there?
The mystery—and scientific truth—about love and compatibility.
At this point, some may be wondering, will this book include any other good news? I am happy to say, yes, it will. For one thing, it turns out, this flaw in online-dating algorithms mirrors a key piece of why we struggle to find love in general. This means, if this topic is the only one that interests you in this book, I promise, what we’ll talk about there could change your life.
All I’ll say for now is, we’ll have a lot to talk about in Chapter One.
Books by Steven Paglierani
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